Staying married in a culture where the concept is widely disposable is no easy feat. If I was to describe a marriage to young couples, I would say it’s like climbing a mountain.  Climbers come prepared, they know their task and they study the terrain and bring the right gear.  Next, they anchor themselves with a sturdy system at the top to an immovable rock.  And if there are multiple climbers, they often tether themselves together so if one starts to fall, the drop can be stopped by the others.

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In terms of our preparation, we dated for 4 ½ years before we ever started to climb the mountain of marriage.  Yes, that’s awfully long, but we were young and in love and honestly, probably didn’t spend all that time properly studying the challenging terrain that was before us.  In fact, sometimes I think we may have climbed the wrong side of the mountain.  That isn’t to say we won’t get to the top, but it probably meant we went over more obstacles early on.  We purposely dated the longevity so that we could each achieve some goals individually that would have been more difficult or perhaps impossible had we married right away.  Doing so meant we didn’t bring a resentment into our marriage when it began and allowed us more time to get to know each other.  We also spent those years growing spiritually.  A wise couple will use that time before marriage to strengthen their friendship, set goals together for family, career, finances and most importantly connect on their walk with Christ so they know they will be travelling in the same direction together. 

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Next, we stayed tethered to each other.  When people are climbing together, they are putting trust in their partner and the tether between them. There are safety rules that each partner needs to respect to ensure they are working together. In any relationship, everyone falls short of perfection and short of expectations. We need each other for encouragement and for being the champion of each other’s dreams, achievements and to be there for the times we fail. Staying tethered for us was to never let the “D” word of divorce enter our conversations. We don’t entertain a solo plan “B”, we’re in this life together and regardless of the obstacles that come our way along the path, we face them together. In fact, we’ve had a rule to never leave or walk out during an argument.  While we have perhaps, on occasion, broken that rule, we’ve never changed the rule to fit our in-the-moment emotions.

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And finally, the anchor is the marriage stronghold.  Without a proper anchor, climbers would surely perish. To ensure safety, more than one anchor point is used.  For marriage, our focus needs to be on our anchor who is, of course, Jesus Christ.  Just as a proper anchor has more than one connection point, so should the strong marriage (Eccl 4:12).  Remaining connected to Him through prayer, through reading and studying His Word, and being connected to the convictions of the Holy Spirit create a bond that is not easily broken. Faith in Christ is the foundation of our marriage; had one of us believed differently, our “house” wouldn’t have been able to stand the test of life’s storms.

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Climbing is never easy no matter which path you take up the mountain.  I can look back at where we’ve been and see where we’ve stumbled, where we could have taken a different path, good or bad.  I have a much clearer perspective from my current viewpoint, which by the way is an amazing view!  The climb isn’t finished but the mountain top becomes both steeper and clearer as you get towards the top.  It’s not a race just a glorious journey together!

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Key study verses for this mountain climb:

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Be equally matched

2 Corinthians 6:14  “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

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Submit to one another

Ephesians 5:22-33 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,  that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,  so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,  because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

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Abide in Christ

John 15:5 “I am the vine. You are the branches. If you remain joined to me, and I to you, you will bear a lot of fruit. You can’t do anything without me.”

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Love and Each Other

1Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."